LACEY – For Andra Napoleon, writing a children’s book about dementia meant finding a way to explain something complicated and heartbreaking without making it frightening. It also meant telling a story she has been living for most of her life.
Napoleon, 63, has lived in Lacey Township for 32 years, raising four children here while caring for older adults in the community. For more than a decade, her role as a caregiver has been deeply personal. Her 90-year-old mother, Roz, lives with dementia, and the changes Napoleon has witnessed inspired “Gramma Has Dementia,” a children’s book illustrated by Tatiana Gubich.
When Gramma Starts To Forget
“Gramma Has Dementia” begins with a grandmother surrounded by familiar routines and family traditions. Gramma cooks and bakes, welcomes people into her home and prepares foods she has made countless times. Then things begin to change. She starts forgetting ingredients and struggles with tasks that once came naturally.
Her family notices, leading to a family meeting and a visit to the doctor. As the children learn what is happening, the story introduces some of the changes dementia can bring while stressing kindness. Gramma may forget things and need more help, but she is still the grandmother they know and love.
Gubich’s colorful illustrations and Napoleon’s straightforward text make a difficult subject accessible while giving children recognizable examples of changes they might notice in someone living with dementia. The illustrations are rooted in Napoleon’s own family life. Gubich worked from photographs Napoleon supplied, incorporating real people, rooms and even small household details into the story.
“Every single picture in the book is authentic,” Napoleon said. “Even the toys in the drawer, in the kitchen, the shelves, everything.”
Dementia Across Generations
Napoleon first encountered dementia when she was a child. Born and raised in the Bronx, she remembers visiting her grandmother when she was about 10, helping her dress, painting her nails and fixing her hair. Looking back, she recognizes many of the same behaviors she would eventually see in her mother.
“You know, back then they didn’t have the word dementia. It was hardening of the arteries,” Napoleon recalled. She watched as her grandmother’s symptoms became progressively worse, an experience that would take on greater meaning decades later.
As her own family grew, caregiving remained a part of Napoleon’s life, including caring for people with Alzheimer’s disease. Her children are now adults, with one daughter a physician, two sons engineers and her youngest daughter a behavioral therapist.
Then dementia returned to Napoleon’s family. At 49, she began making frequent trips to Bergen County after noticing troubling changes in her 75-year-old mother. As Roz’s condition progressed, she eventually came to live with Napoleon, who became her primary caregiver.
“I’ve been her caregiver for a long time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Napoleon said.
A Retreat Named For Roz
At a recent book celebration at Captain’s Inn, Napoleon unveiled her vision for Rosalyn’s Retreat, named for her mother. She hopes to create a residential setting on the water in Lacey where seniors living with dementia could be cared for with dignity and compassion.
“This is my vision to have a retreat, and it’s going to be named after my mom,” Napoleon said. “Rosalyn’s Retreat, and it’s your dementia haven where every moment matters.”
The retreat remains a vision rather than an operating facility, and Napoleon has not announced a location, secured financing or development approvals. She does, however, have ideas about how she would like it to work, including a system in which those with greater financial resources could help make care available to people who otherwise could not afford it.
“Just because you don’t have enough money to live in something like this doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of it,” Napoleon said.
Napoleon also has an unconventional idea for financing the project. She owns the domain WorkingOnADream.com, which she says she has listed for $10 million. She hopes to use the proceeds from a sale to develop Rosalyn’s Retreat and has said the buyer would have an opportunity to have a wing named in their honor.
“This is going to be my next mission and my passion,” Napoleon said. “And every time I have a mission and passion, I do make it work. I make it happen.”
A Growing Challenge For Families
Dementia is not a specific disease, but an umbrella term for a decline in memory, reasoning and other thinking abilities severe enough to interfere with daily life. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause.
The Alzheimer’s Association estimates that 7.4 million Americans age 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s dementia in 2026. Nearly 13 million Americans provide unpaid care for people with Alzheimer’s or other dementias.
Lacey Committeeman Peter Curatolo, coordinator of the Community Health Services Division at the Ocean County Health Department, applauded Napoleon’s efforts. He said the issue is particularly significant in Ocean County, where people are living longer and adults in their 60s increasingly find themselves caring for parents in their 80s and 90s.
“When you’re a caretaker, as Andra knows, for someone suffering in dementia, it’s an incredible toll on you, and you end up needing a caretaker,” Curatolo said. He said neurocognitive disorders reach deeply into families. “They affect every member of the family. They affect family finances, and they affect your future.”
Curatolo said Napoleon’s advocacy has expanded his own understanding of dementia despite his public health experience. “This is my career. She’s educated me,” he said, adding, “You have very little more in life to lose than your memory.”
Education is also at the heart of “Gramma Has Dementia.” Napoleon hopes the book will help families talk about dementia with children while emphasizing patience and kindness toward those experiencing memory loss. A portion of the proceeds is committed to dementia and Alzheimer’s research, according to the book’s website.
Perhaps some of the book’s best reviews come without words. Children as young as 2 have sat captivated as “Gramma Has Dementia” was read aloud, following the illustrations and Gramma’s changing routines from page to page. Their attention suggests Napoleon and Gubich have found a way to introduce a difficult subject without making it frightening. More information and ordering details are available at GrammaHasDementia.com.
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